I am tempted to say that we innately do not have an appetite for failure to the point that even if blatant signs of failure are laid in front of you, you still don't recognise it. Was just reading up a little on Powell Doctrine, and it got me thinking about the 'Six Days of War' by Michael B Oren. It was an interesting story that approached the subject from the political angle. Bottomline, it was a major failure at the start when they could not decide on whether to take military action while negotiations were ongoing, yet they had to gear up their military guys to prepare them to take a quick and decisive offensive action if and when the go-ahead is given. Now, that, in our context is really beyond me to comment. It always seems we're so focused on coming up with formulas for success that we just ignore the other aspect of recognising failure. So what does it mean to know that you've exhausted all options? No doubt, being situationally aware helps as alarm bells can be sounded early, but how do u know when or what is the breaking point?

Growing up in a spoon-fed environment where everything is initiated for you doesn't help. Of course we can quite effortlessly churn up some textbook model answer, but knowing when to exercise the options seems somewhat lacking... I hope i'm just making sweeping statements.

Anyway, today's run was alright. Finished in 1hr - fairly decent. It was interesting that the instruction sheet advised us to have 8 hrs of sleep the night before. My thought then was "so what's the scientific reason behind the magic number 8.. why not 7?" I think I must be going mad.

That said, I gotta stop swearing unconsciously under my breath (to myself)... =( That said, there are a couple of things that (absolutely) gets on my nerves:
1. Bad drivers flooding the roads (males and females alike)- they don't signal when they cut into your lane causing you to brake suddenly, not keeping to their lanes, stopping/ parking along already narrow roads.
2. People who try to squeeze their way into the mrt even before you can step out of it - Don't they understand that the mrt has a limited capacity?
3. Rude people

I hope the list doesn't grow over time.

Break-time

Here I am, staring at the pile of manuals on my table and pondering over how an element of 'surprise' can be achieved. As of now, all scenarios discussed are hypothetical situations whereby we are told how an element of surprise can be achieved - but here's the catch - probably everyone's told the same thing. So do I flip the coin and deduce that since u think I will go with A, and I knowing that u think that I will go with A and that you would exercise B, I will go with A so that your option B is no longer effective... This can go on in neverending circles, with an increasing number of opportunites for (mis)judgement, how then shalt one move ahead?

I am almost entirely tempted to say that Sun Tze knows it best 'know thy self, know thy enemy'. It really boils down to how much you really know who you are up against - is he the typical 'law-abiding' Yes man, or is he the one who relentlessly finds ways to prove that other methods work.

To a fledgling, a methodical and systematic way of analysing situations definitely helps him/her to get 'initiated' to a new concept/system. The downside of it is that often, one just keeps it as that and takes it wholesale to become part of a routine. To him, it becomes a systematic way of knowing what Actions need to be taken, so an expected outcome can be achieved. This, I think is one of the greatest traps of systemising things... Yes it is definitely convenient and good for keeping things running, but yeah, the onus is really on oneself to push the boundaries further and introduce an element of creativity and innovation.

My greatest takeaway this week is that of understanding and witnessing how principles can be so versatile and enduring. I'd imagine that it has taken historians / SMEs decades to refine these principles so they can be 'universally' applicable (now again, this demonstrates once again how we humans are such victims of habits and pursuers of the ideology of 'one-fits-all').

Thus far, if anyone is to ask me what this course is about, the answer would definitely be that it is a test of my Adversity Quotient. I find myself in a situation where what I've experienced or observed have come to greater use than ....... well, I better buck up and study real hard... like NOW!! I feel the 'lazy dog' side of me setting in again. One thing I really got to work on is sustaining and pacing my own energy level. I enjoy the adrenaline-rush, but so far, I find that my energy level becomes like a flat tyre after the whole episode is over. Not good at all. I still wanna experience that adrenaline-rush, and turnover in say, 2 days i.e. weekend.. too tall an order? Recently, the focus of my weekend is to maintain that 5:2 work-life balance that is entirely 'work' fr mon-fri n 'life' over the weekend. I feel guilty though cos there are actually lots of goodies that I've spotted over the weekdays but haven't had the time (energy rather) to do a little research n internalise. Sighhh, there goes my forever-expanding list of things-to-do. *helpless*

Hmm, that 5:2 work-life balance was a spin-off from a joke I heard one the first day of the course, which was incidentally a friday. The instructor jokingly said that we'd still get our work-life balance even if we stayed behind a while more after office-hrs since it's a 1-day work to a 2 day weekend for this week. Haha very funny, i nearly dismissed it as a bad joke. ;) Thinking back, maybe it's not a bad idea! Let's expand on this - say it's a given that friday is a work day - well of cos most people would be motivated cos TGIF, the weekend's here! So now, i've got 4 weekdays to work with. Monday, hmm.. almost any normal human gets the monday blues, so let's brand it.. 'ramping up' day - no meetings, we start off with physical activities then leave people to do their housekeeping for the morning, then have 'generative' discussions in the afternoon. Tuesday, have a pull-the-plug by 6 latest and get all to the mess for a drink and/or games. Tuesdays is arguably the longest day of the week - the thought that the week has started and yet i'm still not yet half-way through.. depressing. Wednesday, the mood goes up considerably cos it really is cross the mid-point. The energy is presumably highest among mon-thurs, so let's call this the day of 'ultimate output'. Schedule all ur braincranking-intensive and toughest papers to be worked-on during this day. Then come thursday, not quite here nor there.. but well, it isn't too bad cos the next day's a friday. have another sporting event, and schedule the meeting or 'meet-the-boss' day on this day to discuss and produce what u've come up with over the week, have a mini after-action-review. Tada, that's thurs. So back to friday, crank your brains further to refine your work and get it done before u leave! No meetings though- cos no actions are usually taken by the time the meeting is over cos the week is ending - no continuity and the weekend break could break the train-of-thought which may result in being counter-productive. That said, this is my ideal week for i'd have gotten a better deal than a 5:2 work-life balance. =)

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Oh, btw I changed my essay topic entirely from leadership to mil culture (luckily I still had 2 nights to complete it ) - crazy shit huh.

Parting thoughts for the night - Part 2

It's not really about what you say, but rather how others hear you.

I realise I've a big shortcoming. I have a generally high tolerance for things that irk me.. but I realise that exercising tolerance for certain issues sends the message that it is acceptable. That is unacceptable. Ok, my resolution is that I gotta take a stand by not appearing to sit on the fence.

I finally know what I want to write about - The need for and roles of different leadership styles in an organisation.. something like that lah. Of course, i need to do a check on my assumption that these leadership styles I have in mind are inherent personality traits, and that they seldom overlap.

Not convinced? No? Then I hope I've confused you.

Honestly, leadership is the 'easiest' topic for anyone to write on - it's really 'you say what then what lor', and if I have a choice, it's the last thing I want to write on (I prefer to keep it as a blog/ journal entry). Ideally, I want to write about warfighting, something on the strategic level but I am still a novice in that area. Ok, maybe next year i'll try to write an essay related to that. I got yet another goal for the following year!

Reflections

Reflections on Work.. oh, did i just use the word 'work'?

- My philosophy: First & foremost, I will not let the Organisation down. 2. The moment I stop learning and contributing is the time I know I ought to move on.

I was browsing at Borders earlier and I came across this book "the 5 questions you should ask abt your organisation" I didn't really have the patience to read through it, the gist of it (i think) is to see what the mission, vision, values ... of your organisation is. Well, the moment i saw that, i just closed the book and put it down. I didn't need another book to tell me what this is abt, now that i see it on a near daily basis. The odd thing was that while I was walking home later on, it crept back into my mind again. I was just thinking to myself, I know the mission of my organisation, the values.. well, vision? Hmm I'm not too sure on that.. (is it cos it changes yearly or with the change in the higher management?) Sigh. Anyway, I am definitely aligned to the mission and values! In fact, I feel so strongly for the mission, the very existence of it that this idealistic part of me wishes I'll always remain relevant when age catches on. But, what's a little disturbing is that thought that since I am aligned to it, I think I should be happier.

In terms of milestones for the past year, I can summarise it into two phases: the near first half of it was spent more on my personal development. I have never been so driven to dwell at the 'self-improvement' section (and not embarrassed at the very least!). I was kinda shaken up as I became more aware of my flaws, and in the process I think my self-confidence took a dip - and it shows when I am more quiet than usual. And yup, I went through my 'quarter-life' crisis. Now, i'm glad to say i've pulled through that. Moving on, all my milestones pertaining to work came in at the second half. Again, I became more aware of how I am as a subordinate, a fellow colleague, and my working style and weaknesses. I am very thankful actually, that I finally found a reason for my very existence in this organisation. I've learnt alot and grown as a person.. humbly.. Anyway, I've always been on the search for a role-model. So far, I haven't found someone who encompasses all the traits i'm looking out for, but in various areas, some names come to mind. Now, even without a role-model, I have found someone for whom I dare say I'll be motivated and driven to work my arse off, and to go into battle with. For that, I'm very thankful.

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I am a little disturbed. Yes I am, with my learning ability/ capacity. I had just attended a coaching course not too long ago, and I was quite switched off, largely cos of the instructor. An ex-military guy who kept going in circles but not getting his point across; very loud in his delivery (so loud that I had no problems hearing, but I stopped listening shortly after.) I compared this to courses I attended at NIE. That.. well, the instructor had very clear KPIs to meet and even though it could get boring, again I was quite put off by the way they tried to establish a rapport with our group of adult learners, making comments like 'yeah, i know many of you are here not because you want to.. ' or ' i know you're here to take a break from work'.. What the hell? Why is the organisation forking so much money for this?? I felt a great pain. Do these people know that this organisation offers the individual PLENTY of opportunities to go for courses so they can develop themselves professionally? Ok, I digress... well, back to that coaching cse.. I felt horrible after that for having such a terrible attitude. And I realised that I allowed my learning attitude and ability to be affected by the quality (rather, the lack of) of the instructor. The good part is that if i get a good instructor, I can literally get 'high' on learning. But if the reverse is true.. sigh, that's what I should guard myself against. Well, now I'm on another course, I just went through another reflection, and this time, I'll pro-actively take charge of my own learning. Well, we'll know on monday if that's going to have the butterfly effect on the rest of the class.. we'll see. Anyway, I believe learning should be fun, and I am a purist in this aspect. Learn for the joy of learning! Learning shouldn't be calculative.

Ok, shucks, I better stop. Time to get started on my essay... well, the truth is I had many ideas that I jotted down on my little black book, and i've been reading up with the hope that i'll be able to come up with something original. Now, another idiosyncracy of mine is that I hate to plagarise ideas. I prefer not to read essays on the same topic for fear of it influencing my thoughts and putting a framework to my work. Yet, I find it quite an insult if i actually have to copy ideas from the past. Sigh, in short, I am not an efficient writer and it proves to be quite painful... most of the time. =S