Love is one of the hottest topics to date. People have written thousands of books about it, debated about it, but what is better than to experience love for yourself?
Growing up listening to love songs on the radio, my idea of love slowly took the shape of a romanticised dream - A dream of plunging into love, the wonderful blanket of support, sweet little nothings, sprinkled with a tinge of fun and silliness. I was always filled with the hope that there would be a guy out there who would love me for who I am and whom would let me love him with all my heart...
No one ever said loving wasn't easy. Layered with ego, pride, love is no game for the weak. It can be vindictive, yet it can be kind.
There is completely no excuse for all the deeds of love - the worst thing that can happen is to start blaming the other party. I believe in cause and effect. If there was no problem, there would be no issues. What really matters, is what you choose to do about it. It is easy to love someone for all his/her good points. It is harder to love someone despite all the bad points. And yes, one needs to be discerning about whether one can really accept the other person. So what constitutes an intrinsic factor? Would say, the lack of a skill that can be nurtured and learnt be considered an intrinsic flaw? How would that compare to a person who does not have any drop of kindness in him/her?
I can accept a spoilt brat if he is not blinded by arrogance to accept that he makes mistakes and that he can be a better person. I cannot accept someone who is selfish and pushes the blame on anyone but himself. I can accept a man who likes to reason even to the extent of being geeky but is less able to be sensitive and care for my feelings, so long as he allows me to show him the way into my heart and does not argue with me over every single point i bring up about what can be done - afterall, in a relationship, there are times when convincing the other party about all the correct reasons why things should be done a certain way isn't enough; The question is what is the right thing to do to convince the other person WHILE taking into consideration his feelings. We are not robots for goodness sake! And I can't accept a man who only sees my flaws and does not appreciate me for who I am and all the little things I do for him just because I love him.
Have you ever watched a movie where a super-nice guy still loses the girl in the end because he was just too good to everyone else? It happens in real life too - such guys do exist. Yes, as a viewer my first thought would be that the girl is damn foolish to let such a nice guy go by. But hey, now, I think I do understand a little better why that girl would have chosen to do that - she does not feel like she is a priority at all in his life. To some, all the various aspects (career, family, friends etc) are important and it is not fair to choose one over the other... yakety-yak. It is not about choices, but priorities! A friend definitely gets priority over a stranger over your time, just as there are times when you, being in love, would want to know that the person you love values you as a priority in her life. If everything is just so important, nothing would ever get done in the workplace, in your own life. It is just like photographs. Anyone would attempt to capture all the nice things into a picture just because they are all beautiful, but without a focus, the picture would just loose it's 'oomph' and impact when it is printed out. Speaking of photo-taking, I used to go around with a camera, never wanting to miss out on an opportunity for a good shot. But after a while, I realised that I never got to savor the magical moment just because I was so engrossed trying to set up my camera and be trigger-happy. Perhaps my photo-taking skills are so bad the photograph really doesn't do the actual scenery justice, but you get my point.
I am tired, dead tired. Who says arguments never tires me or gets me down. It does. I guess, I have (desperately) resorted to making a 'checklist' of things I would want to see in my partner, someone I would grow with and be happy with. I do not go into a relationship curious to see what he can teach me - that seems so transactional, almost like a cold business deal - but rather, it is to see us both grow and to bring out the best in both of us. I definitely have churned out a rather long list, but for now, the very top of the list, is to have him truly appreciate me and love me for who I am.
To love and be loved in return is bliss 'xing4 fu2'. If love hurts so bad, it is really time to let go and wish each other happiness in each other's future endeavours. No more hate, no more anger, no more regrets. I wish, this would all be gone with the wind, in the winds of time.
Growing up listening to love songs on the radio, my idea of love slowly took the shape of a romanticised dream - A dream of plunging into love, the wonderful blanket of support, sweet little nothings, sprinkled with a tinge of fun and silliness. I was always filled with the hope that there would be a guy out there who would love me for who I am and whom would let me love him with all my heart...
No one ever said loving wasn't easy. Layered with ego, pride, love is no game for the weak. It can be vindictive, yet it can be kind.
There is completely no excuse for all the deeds of love - the worst thing that can happen is to start blaming the other party. I believe in cause and effect. If there was no problem, there would be no issues. What really matters, is what you choose to do about it. It is easy to love someone for all his/her good points. It is harder to love someone despite all the bad points. And yes, one needs to be discerning about whether one can really accept the other person. So what constitutes an intrinsic factor? Would say, the lack of a skill that can be nurtured and learnt be considered an intrinsic flaw? How would that compare to a person who does not have any drop of kindness in him/her?
I can accept a spoilt brat if he is not blinded by arrogance to accept that he makes mistakes and that he can be a better person. I cannot accept someone who is selfish and pushes the blame on anyone but himself. I can accept a man who likes to reason even to the extent of being geeky but is less able to be sensitive and care for my feelings, so long as he allows me to show him the way into my heart and does not argue with me over every single point i bring up about what can be done - afterall, in a relationship, there are times when convincing the other party about all the correct reasons why things should be done a certain way isn't enough; The question is what is the right thing to do to convince the other person WHILE taking into consideration his feelings. We are not robots for goodness sake! And I can't accept a man who only sees my flaws and does not appreciate me for who I am and all the little things I do for him just because I love him.
Have you ever watched a movie where a super-nice guy still loses the girl in the end because he was just too good to everyone else? It happens in real life too - such guys do exist. Yes, as a viewer my first thought would be that the girl is damn foolish to let such a nice guy go by. But hey, now, I think I do understand a little better why that girl would have chosen to do that - she does not feel like she is a priority at all in his life. To some, all the various aspects (career, family, friends etc) are important and it is not fair to choose one over the other... yakety-yak. It is not about choices, but priorities! A friend definitely gets priority over a stranger over your time, just as there are times when you, being in love, would want to know that the person you love values you as a priority in her life. If everything is just so important, nothing would ever get done in the workplace, in your own life. It is just like photographs. Anyone would attempt to capture all the nice things into a picture just because they are all beautiful, but without a focus, the picture would just loose it's 'oomph' and impact when it is printed out. Speaking of photo-taking, I used to go around with a camera, never wanting to miss out on an opportunity for a good shot. But after a while, I realised that I never got to savor the magical moment just because I was so engrossed trying to set up my camera and be trigger-happy. Perhaps my photo-taking skills are so bad the photograph really doesn't do the actual scenery justice, but you get my point.
I am tired, dead tired. Who says arguments never tires me or gets me down. It does. I guess, I have (desperately) resorted to making a 'checklist' of things I would want to see in my partner, someone I would grow with and be happy with. I do not go into a relationship curious to see what he can teach me - that seems so transactional, almost like a cold business deal - but rather, it is to see us both grow and to bring out the best in both of us. I definitely have churned out a rather long list, but for now, the very top of the list, is to have him truly appreciate me and love me for who I am.
To love and be loved in return is bliss 'xing4 fu2'. If love hurts so bad, it is really time to let go and wish each other happiness in each other's future endeavours. No more hate, no more anger, no more regrets. I wish, this would all be gone with the wind, in the winds of time.
